And now, a short break for a brief and more personal post.
Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression. Yes, it makes it hard to go about my day sometimes. But I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months. When you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. I’ll make a more detailed post on this sometime in the future, but I just wanted to share this here in case it would help anyone else.
Do things that make you happy.
But I can’t, you say. I have a job, family, bills, obligations. So did I.
But your brain knows your deepest wishes and fears, and it will start to show you in increasingly urgent ways.
After making some poor decisions school-wise, I found myself frustrated, depressed, and trapped in a situation I didn’t want to be in. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. It was smothering, and I felt like there was no way out. It’s not so bad, I told myself. Just suck it up and get through this. But my heart knew I wasn’t happy. Both my literal and figurative heart. I began having more and more debilitating physical symptoms that kept me out of class and work. Eventually, I ended up in the hospital for a weekend around the end of September. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life anymore, and something had to change. The doctor asked me something in my hospital room that changed everything.
When was the last time you did something that made you happy?
I was so shaken with the truth of it that I broke down crying right then and there. I knew I had to change things. My body had basically gone on strike against me, and I could see that it was only going to get worse unless I listened to it. So what did I do? Something I never thought I would.
Me, the overachiever. The hard worker. The diligent.
And its one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.